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  Chapter Ten- A New Beginning   My divorce left me shaken in many ways. I had trouble coming to grips with how my life fell apart so fast and the people I love the most were gone. My wife was gone for good, and my daughter was 3 hours away. I had some joy in knowing I could see my daughter any time I wanted, but mentally that was tough because I was living in fear of panic attacks constantly. Panic disorder had become a mainstay of my life and I did not know how to fight it. It left me shaken with fear thinking I was dying all the time. I made it worse because I allowed it to control me and found myself in the hospital often having everything checked out. I refused to believe it was in my head because my symptoms were very real. Things  were made worse because  a mutual friend of my ex and I ,  would send me email links of my wife in porn videos with other women. This really made me angry, because it made me feel like my wife ruined our marriage so she could make little money-making B